Rules of Acquisition (First Splinter)

Myriad Universes: Rules of Acquisition

Prime Timeline  • First Splinter Timeline  • STO Timeline

Rules of Acquisition

UFP Historical Society

First Appearance	DSN410 (22 Mar 1993)
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First Splinter Timeline
(Split from the Columbia Timeline during the events of First Contact)

The first Rules of Acquisition, codifying Ferengi culture for millennia to follow, were written by Grand Nagus Gint. Ferengi children are expected to memorize all 285 rules of acquisition on command, though females were forbidden to do so prior to Grand Nagus Zek's reforms of the 2370s.^{[Citation needed]}

• 1. Once you have their money, you never give it back.
• 3. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
• 6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
• 7. Keep your ears open.
• 8. Small print leads to large risk.
• 9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
• 10. Greed is eternal.
• 13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
• 16. A deal is a deal... until a better one comes along.
• 17. A contract is a contract is a contract. But only between Ferengi.
• 18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
• 19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
• 21. Never place friendship above profit.
• 22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
• 27. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
• 31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother... insult something he cares about instead.
• 33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
• 34. War is good for business.
• 35. Peace is good for business.
• 40. She can touch your lobes, but never your latinum.
• 41. Profit is its own reward.
• 44. Never confuse wisdom with luck.
• 47. Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
• 48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
• 52. Never ask when you can take.
• 53. Never trust anybody taller than you.
• 54. Rate divided by time equals profit.
• 55. Take joy from profit, and profit from joy.
• 57. Good customers are rare as latinum. Treasure them.
• 58. There is no substitute for success.
• 59. Free advice is seldom cheap.
• 60. Keep your lies consistent.
• 62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
• 65. Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
• 75. Home is where the heart is... but the stars are made of latinum.
• 76. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies!
• 79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
• 82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
• 85. Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
• 89. Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
• 94. Females and finances don't mix.
• 95. Expand or die.
• 97. Enough... is never enough.
• 98. Every man has his price.
• 99. Trust is the biggest liability of all.
• 102. Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.
• 103. Sleep can interfere with... (ending unknown)
• 104. Faith moves mountains... of inventory.
• 106. There is no honor in poverty.
• 109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
• 111. Treat people in your debt like family... exploit them.
• 112. Never have sex with the boss's sister.
• 113. Always have sex with the boss.
• 117. You can't free a fish from water.
• 121. Everything is for sale, even friendship.
• 123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
• 125. You can't make a deal if you're dead.
• 139. Wives serve, brothers inherit.
• 141. Only fools pay retail.
• 144. There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it ends up in your pocket.
• 162. Even in the worst times, someone turns a profit.
• 177. Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
• 181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
• 189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
• 190. Hear all, trust nothing.
• 192. Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it.
• 194. It's always good business to know about your customers before they walk in your door.
• 202. The justification for profit is profit.
• 203. New customers are like razor-toothed gree-worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.
• 211. Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.
• 214. Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
• 217. You can't free a fish from water.
• 218. Always know what you're buying.
• 223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
• 229. Latinum lasts longer than lust.
• 236. You can't buy fate.
• 239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
• 242. More is good... all is better.
• 255. A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant a necessity.
• 261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
• 263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.
• 266. When in doubt, lie.
• 284. Deep down everyone's a Ferengi.
• 285. No good deed ever goes unpunished.
• Unk. Exploitation begins at home.^{[Citation needed]}

Notes and References